I've been meaning to come back to this for a while now, one entry on the disorganized to-do list that runs in my head all the time, but just like last time I ventured into this arena, I was inspired to do so by my brother. He mentioned last week that he was blogging again, and I thought, oh yeah, I've been meaning to do that too. I might have even said it out loud. This evening I read one of Noel's posts, typically sad and brilliant, and a topic close to my heart, and it propelled me into typing this up, these thoughts, my random thoughts.
It's been a weird week. I'm back in the house where I grew up. In the past week I've spent time in almost every city where I've ever lived. The worlds I left behind seem to be doing just fine without me, but all embrace my return graciously. I get overwhelmed. The sadness I feel at the act of living, of watching everything change and shift, is almost unbearable at times, and indistinguishable from joy.
We had a party for my dad today, but Noel was at work and Alara was sick and slept through it, which left me with no allies. I did fine by keeping my presence minimal, and spent most of my time hiding in the cell they've got me sleeping in.
They destroyed the woods that lay behind my parents' house, to be replaced by a housing complex, and at Peter's house in Philadelphia, where I was yesterday, there's a hideous structure being erected next door, blocking the view of the sky, the view of the city. Magic exchanged for madness.
I think I'd like to write something funny, but for now, I have this.
And now, uh, you have it too.
About the party: I probably should have been more clear, but I really was just rolling thoughts off the top of my head. Every time I visit my parents they put me in the bedroom that used to be my sister's. It's a very small room, made smaller by the fact that my mother uses it as a storage room for excess books and groceries and anything else that she accumulates in excess. It really feels like a cell sometimes. No, my parents are very accepting of me being gay. In fact, my dad accepted it faster than my mom did (although my mom came around quick). My comment about allies really referred to the fact that the party was attended mostly by family and friends of my parents that I'm happy to see for five minutes. My mother throws these things every time I'm there (and my dad's birthday was just a convenient excuse), but usually I spend about 95% of the time hanging out with my brother... he wasn't there this time so I spent that time alone.
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